I'm going back under......

 (this is also found in my family blog too)

for another Surgery in May. Yep, i'm getting a Pacemaker.Awesome; I know.

I'm not really too stressed out or anything about it. I knew that it was inevitable and bound to happen. Skylair and Isabella just through a bit of a wrench into the plan and it came sooner than we had originally thought it would. But i am okay with that.

I know that there are people like my Mom and Sister that are all worried and stressed about it. With the constant phone calls and check ins and whatnot. But i'm perfectly okay with it. I know the risks and advantages to the procedure and am complacent with what is going to happen.

This was found out and determined through my cardiac catherter that i had last Monday March 22nd. They went in and realized that there was no need for a stent placement in my Aorta, and that oddly enough my aorta actually makes a weird 'S' bend right underneath my Coacrtation. How cool is that? Very Cool. (okay i know i'm a nerd, but if i can't at least joke about my health, then i'll probably be all depressive about it). However while they were doing that procedure they went on ahead and took all the necessary pictures and stats for my doctor so she could decide if i truly needed the pacemaker or not. And Evidently i do.

I was told a month or two back that it was going to most likely be a Bi-Ventricular Pacemaker and that i would need to have two incisions done to complete the procedure. They would have a leave on each of my Ventricles and because of my stature i would have one incision on my upper right chest (my left) where the pacemaker core will rest and the first lead will be hooked up, and i will have a second incision on my side going on the other side of the heart. Due to my small frame two incisions are needed instead of one. I am thinking that i might end up being hospitalized longer than the regular patient because of the dual incisions, but who's really to say until then.

We're trying to figure out what it is that we're going to do regarding this whole surgery. Donald said he would take time off, but we can't really afford it, and then i also learned that they have cut back on the time they allow for FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) and also how much they will pay for it as well. I know for a fact we can't afford Donald to take time off of work, even if we get granted FMLA, well that is unless some of our family members are willing to help us out with all of our bills for the month of May. Which i doubt. Not necessarily because they are unwilling, but mainly because i doubt they have the excess funds to do so. Or at least that's what i hope to believe.

Family members have already offered to help us out during this time, which i am thankful for. I trust my doctor and her staff faithfully. I know that they will do anything and everything in their power to let me have a speedy and safe recovery from this.

Hopefully this will make me feel loads better than what i have been feeling, especially this past year. Also, i'm hoping this will finally prove to SSI that i am in dire need of being accepted. I still haven't even heard back from them, i wonder what is taking so long.......

I'm going to hope that we can find a way to get Skylair to stay the night at Donalds Folks during this time. I really don't know how i am going to be able to handle him and Isabella after the surgery, with or without help. I think i may be too much stress. Stress is something you want to try to eliminate before coming home from a surgery like this.  As for Isabella i have a feeling that this is going to be the last month that i will be able to continue nursing her. I'm very paranoid about continued nursing once i'm home from the hospital because of where the surgical incisions will be. I'm very scared that if i do nurse her that she will attempt to touch them, or even worse pull at them out of curiosity......I don't want to wean her, but i think i may be time just because of my deteriorating health. :(..........

So that's the news on me about dying and whatnot......(okay not dying exactly.....more like saving a dying organ.....but still whatever)......Any questions?....perhaps i should look some stuff up and through in some diagrams?.....let me know, i'll comment them if wanted.

The Sacramento COR

is an Atheist/Agnostic group that is organized throughout the Greater Sacramento region. The promote tolerance and acceptance of belief.

" The Sacramento Area Coalition of Reason works together to increase awareness of secular-minded groups throughout the Sacramento area."

-Sacramento CoR 

 They help to represent the Non-Believers feel less isolated and under attack by the mainstream 'Christians' that are seen going door to door handing out pamphlets ect. Earlier this year they put up several (around 11 i believe) different billboards around the Sacramento Area just to promote their belief and their cause; Much like the recent Catholic, Methodist and LDS Billboards promoting their religion that have sprung up in recent times throughout the area. The Billboards look like this (as seen on the right).

As we all know, Billboards are just a form of marketing, just as commercials or magazine ads and therefore  are allowed to be posted and seen by all. Tell me what is so wrong with this? It is not breaking any laws whatsoever, it is simply speaking a groups mind, and inviting whomever wants to partake to partake. 

Christian followers always say that they promote "Love for all man kind"...."Forgiveness".... "Acceptance", ect. It's even in a lot of their prayer;pslams and hymnals. I know that a lot of them do, but a small percentage of Christian Followers in the area have taken it upon themselves to also make their statements recognized, here:

and here:

Tell me what does this prove? Other than the fact that they can't seem to accept the fact that their are other people out there that do not follow the doctrine that they follow. How is this following in the foot of Jesus, or God; tell me that?

I find the whole fiasco ridiculous! I am sure that fellow Christians are saddened by the outbreak some in their/our community went to the extent to....i dunno, prove?.....although they didn't prove much to me. Well, except for their narrow mindednes that's for sure. If you expect others to accept you and your beliefs, is it that hard to accept theirs as well? Apparently So.

I for one am PROUD of these Billboards. They speak out along side, not against; the Judeo-Christian messages we as Americans come across daily. What is the matter with that? 

I would love to see how this played out in these people minds before they did this heinous, not to mention Illegal act. How is this deemed okay and acceptable in the eyes of God? Destruction of Property because you don't agree with the message? If somebody would've done this to anything Church related it would've been constructed as a hate crime. But since it was an Atheist/Agnostic piece of property it is somehow okay in their minds? How would they have felt if it happened to their Church,Temple or Synagouge? They would have felt belittled, attacked, humiliated, angered and the list goes on and on. 

I am looking at these photos and the remnants of these billboards disdainfully. I am astounded somebody will do that. It is wrong. It is close minded. It is hurtful. That really makes me weep for society and their close mindedness counter parts that they feel that this is somehow acceptable to them. Doesn't it for you as well? 

I am all for Believe in whatever YOU WANT to believe in. Whatever takes you through your day and glad to face another. What i'm not for, is the belittling of others or the destruction of others soley because they don't share the same outlook as you. IF there really is a god and a heaven then i guess the non-Christians will figure it out in the end. BUT IF there isn't then whatever. This group is all about acceptance, tolerance, and just being good human beings. What is so wrong with that?

I for one am not a Christian. I do not follow their doctrine. I do believe in treating people the way you want to be treated. I believe in the Freedom of Speech (which is obviously being attacked here btw). I believe in Karma and getting what's coming to you. Bad energy spurs bad energy and vice versa. I do not attack people for not following what i believe in. If this is somehow wrong, then may god smite me right here and now!.........

Oh, look! I'm still here. And so is the Sacramento CoR, as well as numerous other non-believers. If we respect your beliefs why can't you seem to accept ours?

A Break?...A Break from What, exactly?

is what i always hear from people when i state that i want some time to myself. Can people really be that oblivious to how much work it is to be a SAHM? No i don't just sit on my ass watching Tyra all day!! (Although it is sometimes on in the background, i'm not gonna lie.) Sure i bet there are some SAHM that don't do anything, and they are more Glorified Babysitters than anything, but that doesn't represent EVERY ONE of us.

I was listening to the radio the other day and one of the DJs brought up SAHM and another DJ piped in saying that they don't do anything and that they basically spend the day eating Bon-Bons ( which i haven't seen in stores for a really long time anyways. if you know where to find them; let me know!) Anyways, they started saying that SAHM moms are just moms that are too lazy to go out and get a job. Give Me A Break!!! (this was while i listened to RAD on 98Rock) 

This stigma that SAHM don't do anything and that they're just bottom feeding off of their husbands while they sit on their ass at home, is just ridiculous. I DON'T work, in fact i CAN'T work anymore; doctors orders. So i have no choice BUT to be a SAHM. And you know what? i LOVE my kids to death, but i remember when i used to Work and go to School when my Son was younger (9wks-2yrs) and i kind of miss it. My time at School and Work was like my ME time. Something i don't get at all now that i am a SAHM with 2 children under 5. My son does go to Pre-School Monday-Friday for 4 hrs a day, but that is because he desperately wanted to; and it's been fairly good for him, he has learned SO much this past year since we enrolled him, and it's good for him to have interaction with children his own age. I was starting to feel bad for him that the only kids he played with were his younger cousin Jadelynn and his baby sister. I would love to be able to go back to work, but the doctors have said no. School? Yes. Work? No. So we do what we can.

As a SAHM i get to hear all the lovely crap about how i am just lazy and i don't want to work, and of course; this is coming from people that don't know me or my family. If i could work i would. Hell i've been trying to go back to school part-time even for the past 2 years almost be health reasons keep popping up and pro-longing my return. I am in no way;shape or form a lazy ass money grubber wife. I hate that this stupid stigma even exists. It wasn't too long ago that women COULDN'T  go to work or be anything BUT a SAHM/Housewife. What do you have to say about that, they were all lazy and un worthy back then too?

Another thing that gets me about the ideology of being a SAHM is that we're second class. That being a SAHM is ' Taking the Easy Road'. Whomever says that has obviously never been with children for long periods of time. Being a mother is very stressful, time consuming and a LOT of work. Nevertheless, it is a very rewarding experience. You get to watch your children grow and learn right in front of your eyes every single day. That's gratification you will never get at any other type of job. Knowing that you are doing everything in your power to raise your child and teach them. This is not saying that Working Mothers don't have to deal with the same things that SAHM do. In most cases they have to do the same thing a SAHM does, PLUS go out to a job every single day of the week.

Why does society need to be so condescending towards us? Make us feel like we are not truly contributing to society. Because somebody has to raise children, and if it's possible; who best but the parents? I would hate to be one of those parents that throws their child in somebody else' care all day long, IF  they don't HAVE to. I feel that society should just leave the SAHM or even SAHF alone and focus their attention on the people that really need watching. Embrace and Encourage the parents of society doing the right thing and leave them alone if it's something you don't agree with. If it's not detrimental, what's the point?

All i am saying is that all this negative talk towards Moms should stop. I understand the negative talk if their is justification behind it, i.e.; Abuse or Neglect, but shouldn't we be empowering women to do the best for their families and not what society deems appropriate at this given time. Stuff like this really makes me dislike being an American. What is wrong with being a SAHM/F and an Attachment Parent? Nothing, if it's what works. Then it is what works. We are NOT lazy, greedy or whatever rude statement you want to make about us! In fact, being a SAHM/F can cause Burnout and even Depression. All that we ask for is to stop the Negativity and Embrace what we've embraced. Being the best we can for our children and doing the best that we can for them. That's all any True Mother wants for her child.

Healthcare Reform...

is a MUST! And i am ecstatic that the bill has passed in the senate and in the house! It is such a great step forward in fixing our healthcare system. I don't really like all these supreme right wing statements about how this is going to turn America into a Communist or Socialist Nation. Common, really now? If you don't think that Healthcare Reform in a must, well; you must be living under a rock. It's well over due. Sure it's going to cost money, what doesn't? But in the long run it'd be money well spent versus all the money that has been wasted in the middle east over the past decade! This bill has a chance to improve lives for so many Americans. Yes our taxes are going to go up, but it's for good cause.



Right now i have Medi-Cal, because honestly we can't afford to get anything else. And it works perfectly fine for us, oh; it's also a government type ran healthcare system. Once our Medi-Cal approval time has ran it's course;which it will, i will but utterly FUCKED. No insurer in their right mind will accept me, Why? Because of their Pre-exsisting Conditions Clause. My Heart Problem and my Nervous System Problem both qualify as Pre-Exsisting Conditions, and if i'm not treated i'm dead. Tell me what else am i supposed to do?! Oh Yeah, i guess i'm not good enough because i'm poor.'

People also bitch because they are paranoid that all these Illegal Immigrants are going to be using the Free National Healthcare that The THEMSELVES are NOT paying into. Well NEWS FLASH!! They use it as it is already. It's called the ER, or the Free Clinic. Then there are the others that believe in all this hype that government will be able to say 'yay or nay' over treatment. Well insurance companies ALREADY do that, so what's the big deal? I really try not to be Politically biased since i'm very liberal, but i am so irritated with all these republicans going insane over this, INSANE!!! They try to say that the liberal community is unruly, look at how they've been reacting all week since the bill was signed into law. Smashing Windows?!.....Making Death Threats?!.....oh, yeah; they're definitely the bigger person. And then because they truly don't believe in a democracy thy want to Sue the President and the Federal Government because they don't agree. Get over it. It passed. Try to repeal it. Deal with it, And most importantly grow up and accept it. Because last time i knew, this was still America.

Yes, America. Just because you don't want to open your eyes and realize that healthcare reform is a MUST, doesn't mean we are turning into a Socialist or Communist Country. They say that this is unnecessary spending. But so is the TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS wasted this past century looking for a man in a cave and blowing up two different countries because 10 jackasses high jacked some planes!
We wouldn't be in sooo much fucking debt to the world if the previous government 'rulers' wouldn't have wasted it all during their 8 years in control and brainwashing. Yes, control and brainwashing. Bush gave out stimulous checks because he KNEW we had no money, and what the hell; he'd be out of office in less than a year anyways. His idiocracy in believing that people were going to use that money to better the ecomony and go shopping over paying off their bills is a ridiculous.

Heathcare Reform will cost money, but we need to quit looking at the negative aspects of what it's done in other countries and look at the positive.  check this out:

Is national health insurance ‘socialized medicine’?

No. Socialized medicine is a system in which doctors and hospitals work for and draw salaries from the government. Doctors in the Veterans Administration and the Armed Services are paid this way. The health systems in Great Britain and Spain are other examples. But in most European countries, Canada, Australia and Japan they have socialized health insurance, not socialized medicine. The government pays for care that is delivered in the private (mostly not-for-profit) sector. This is similar to how Medicare works in this country. Doctors are in private practice and are paid on a fee-for-service basis from government funds. The government does not own or manage medical practices or hospitals.
The term socialized medicine is often used to conjure up images of government bureaucratic interference in medical care. That does not describe what happens in countries with national health insurance where doctors and patients often have more clinical freedom than in the U.S., where bureaucrats attempt to direct care.

does that answer the paranoia of us becoming socialists? If not. Read on.


You and your doctor still work like always, the only difference is that now EVERY CITIZEN can get care.

Who will run the health care system?

There is a myth that with national health insurance the government will make the medical decisions. But in a publicly financed, universal health care system, medical decisions are left to the patient and doctor, as they should be. This is true even in the countries like the U.K. and Spain (or in U.S. systems like the VA) that have socialized medicine.
In a public system, the public has a say in how it’s run. Cost containment measures are publicly managed at the state level by elected and appointed agencies that represent the public. This agency decides on the benefit package and negotiates doctor fees and hospital budgets. It also is responsible for health planning and the distribution of expensive technology. Thus, the total budget for health care is set through a public, democratic process. But clinical decisions remain a private matter between doctor and patient.

I have had medi-cal for going on 4 years now, since i had my son and got dropped from my fathers insurance. That is essentially National Healthcare. Healthcare initialized by the government and it has treated us just as fine as the private sector i used to belong to. True there were a few hurdles, because there are sometime shitty doctors and shitty clinics. But that's not because it was government ran. That's because those doctors and clinics were cheap or didn't care. Yes i have had to wait for tests before, but never ever denied. However i blame the wait being on the size of the hospital/clinic not so much because i have/had Medi-Cal. National healthcare has worked wonders in so many other countries like England,Norway,Japan and Spain.

There are always the bad to go with the good. I just want everybody to know that A LOT of this rubbish that we hear on the Fox, CBS; or whatever it is we watch for 'NEWS' is going to be somewhat biased. I know of so many people that don't receive care by general American Physicians. They travel to other countries to get procedures done, i'm not talking Canada Here, like Europe and Asia. Why? Because they are denied coverage here their OWN COUNTRY. A Good doctor is a good doctor. Regardless of where they are being seen. People don't become doctors to be douche bags. People need to wake up and quit being spoon fed by the news and by word bending politicians to further their own agendas. Be your own person. If we don't have healthcare reform, how many people are going to be around alive to debate it? Not I, because sadly without this reform, once i am unable to recieve Medi-Cal i will have NO INSURANCE all because of a health issue at birth. Thanks for trying to kill the older me because of your uneducated selves.

just rub some Rum on it!

is what i hear all the time from random people when talking about dealing with pain from teething. My outlook on this is 2-Point: 1) Alcohol is an altering beverage, why would i want to give it to my infant? Even if it's just a swipe of my finger dipped in it. Hello!? I'm only 47kg (roughly 104 lb) and A shot or 2 of rum could FUCK ME UP! Imagine what an itty bitty baby feels like? The drinking age in America is 21, so why should it be okay to give my child access to High Proof Alcohol? Tell me that People. (2) It's been proven that it is detrimental to their health. Even a little taste of alcohol for a baby can make them violently sick. If their teething is that painful for them there are plenty of other remedies, things to give them to help make them feel better. For example, Humphrys (or any brand for that matter) Teething Tablets or Pellets (OMS They work SOO GOOD!), There's also Orajel; they come in swabs or in the tube to apply using your finger. But i have read studies stating that orajel can cause nervous system and nerve problems if it is administered too many times.Check out this website to look into what Orajel can cause and to weigh out the pros and cons of this product. I am not bad mouthing Orajel technically, Hell i have used it in the past. But i have come to learn that sometimes Homeopathic Remedies work so much better and are far more safer. There are even Homeopathic Remedies My husband and i use for ourselves if we get stomach pains or such, it's a Chinese Herb pronounced 'Bo-Chjai-Yuen'; it works wonders....loads better than Peptobismal. It's an herb that most Western Medicine Doctors know nothing about, or hell American People that aren't Asian know about either. I know that there are things that our parents and grandparents used to do regarding parenting is great; like Natural Births; Home Births; Attachment Parenting ect, But using Rum or Brandy as a form of teething pain relief is simply a parenting technique that this parent feels should be left in the past.

After the Surgery......

This was initially posted on my Family blog but i wanted to transfer it and have it readily available on each blog.

This past Monday Morning i  had my Cardiac Catheter. I came out a lot better than the last time this procedure was done on me. I'm not too sure why i fended better this time around than i did back in July of '04. Maybe because my hips are wider, or maybe just because UCD is such a better Hospital than Kaiser. However; when i was done for Kaiser back in '04 it was performed at UCSF, so i don't really know why i felt so much better and mobile this time around.


Anyways though, come to find out i did not need to have the Stent placed in my Aorta. Also, a weird piece of information that we found out from this surgery was that my Aorta has this weird 'S' shape after my Co-arctation repair site. That is why all of the Echo's taken at the doctors office made it look like my Aorta was collapsing, the bend in the 'S' gave the appearance of the Aortic walls giving way. How trippy is that? And more importantly, How in the world is that not in my charts?! You would think that Kaiser and UCSF would have put that into my file the last time this surgery was done to me, you know; as an FYI or something! But hell, what can you really expect from Kaiser;right?


The surgery wasn't a total waste though. They took a lot of different pictures of my entire Heart Muscle and of my Aorta for Dr.Park to over look. We are planning on most likely having to get a Pacemaker placed in my heart, it might happen as early as this summer; but we don't know quite yet. When i was hooked up to the machines in the Hospital before,during and after the surgery; we noticed that my Blood Pressure is fairly low as well as my pulse. We also realized that when i sleep my BP and my Pulse drop dangerously low. I'm saying a pulse of about 30ish. Definitely NOT good. If i was to get a Pacemaker put in, that would be able to regulate my pulse and my BP much better and not let it drop down as low as it does throughout the day and night.

So that's how the surgery went, and what is the initial cardiac plan for now. It doesn't scare me or freak me out that i am going to be getting a Pacemaker. It was inevitable that i was going to be getting one, Yes; we thought that it wasn't going to be until i was 40ish (initially) but my pregnancies with Skylair and Isabella have thrown my system out of whack. Damn Children. If this isn't proof or reason enough to get 'Fixed' and have the BLT (Bi-Lateral Tubal Ligation) done, i don't know what it. Hopefully i can have that surgery done before the end of the year. But that's still up in the air because i know for a fact that my OB will not do that 'elective' procedure until all of this cardiac stuff is figured out.

Other than that i'm doing alright. My left hip/groin is still a tad sore, as is my chest muscles because of the breathing tube they gave me during the operation made me cough and cough when i woke up. Which is super Sucky! I finally got rid of my cold last weekend and i got a breathing tube during the surgery so now i'm coughing up a storm still now and have uber sore muscles. Gah. I'll be alright though. :D

Also, Isabella did super well with me being in the hospital and not being able to Nurse her at all on Monday or Tuesday. I felt really bad for her though on Monday night because i had to walk around with her until she fell asleep and she's so conditioned to nurse so was upset and it took a while for her to fall asleep. However, she slept really well. She got up once like an hr after she went down because of the neighbors and that was the hard one in getting her back down, but after that she stayed down for about 4 hrs or so and then she got up again; but i was able to get her down within 10 minutes ( YAY ME!!) and stay down for another  few hours. So all in all she did AWESOME. She just missed mommy and our routine. I am back to nursing now and we're back to our regular schedual. I just couldn't do it for those 2 days because of the medicine i was given in the hospital. So yes we are still EBF, but i guess i don't have too much milk left, she must not be drinking as much as i thought. I didn't get engorged until last yesterday afternoon, and even then it was barely what you can call engorgement.

 

Sometimes....

i wish i was actually able to go out. I hate this shit. I don't get to fucking do anything. And what infuriates me even more are the Parents that DO get to go out. It's bull. I never get to see anybody. I never get to hang out at 'parties' or shows. Nothing. Science Forbid i bring Izzy with me!!! I Love my friends, but honestly i don't think that they understand. Well they understand some things, but what i don't like is constantly talking to me about a party or get together and then turning around and asking me to find a babysitter for Izzy. Knowing full well that there is NOBODY to watch her. Why hurt me like that? Common People, you know that i don't have a babysitter for her, so if you don't want us to come then don't mention it to us at the beginning. It really bugs me. I was really looking forward to getting out and seeing people, alas i'm stuck at home because "They'd prefer it to be child free". I understand that my Childless friends would want to have their get togethers' child free, but don't invite me if that's the way you want your party to be. You know i can't do anything about it, well other than making Donald stay home from work to babysit so that i could go out. I LOVE my BFF, but this has irritated me beyond belief. She has every right to say who can and can't come to her soire, but just don't invite the people that it will effect. I hate not having childcare. I hate not being able to see people. Or Hang out. Or anything.

I know this is selfish sounding, but sometimes i think back to would i have been happier just Bottle Feeding my children and being able to be a care free 'mom'? Eh, probably not. I'd feel horrible knowing that i was giving my child inferior 'food' that costs so much money, which if i did bottle feed i probably wouldn't be able to afford going out.LOL. That would be selfish .It makes me mad, Nobody will watch my daughter because i Nurse her and she's uncomfortable around people she isn't used to. NEWS FLASH!!! She isn't uncomfortable around people because i nurse her, she's uncomfortable because she doesn't know who the fuck you are! Isn't that a good thing? I'm ecstatic that my children wont go to 'Just Anyone'. Do you know how freaked out and paranoid that'd make me?! But what i hate is that during the first year of life, THE MOST CRUCIAL, nobody in my family so much as volunteered to help me out and babysit or at least come around more often so that the kids are used to them and willing to stay with them while Donald and I are not. I feel like i'm being punished for making the best choices for my family.

My SIL (husbands side) and my Sis are able to go out and do whatever they want because the Bottle Feed, oh! and because they don't know how to get a job or anything so they live off of mom. So of course the child would be used to other people, right? ARRGH! I hate feeling like this. I'm really afraid that this nursing thing and lack of support from my family is going to drive me nuts. i LOVE Nursing my daughter, i would just like it if somebody; my family perhaps, would help me out and give me a break now and then! My health isn't the best and it doesn't seem like anybody really cares. Well at least not until they get in trouble of their lack of caring and big mouth! (a few wks back my SIL (brothers wife) gave me attitude about my daughter crying at a birthday party because my Bro was holding her, mind you she doesn't see them that often so what do they expect. And NO they don't live far away; maybe 15 minutes. Anyways he chewed her out and NOW she wants to try and help.Fuck that. Hell No.)

Anyways back on topic, i just feel that because i chose to be a real parent and do what i'm supposed to; Bf/AP, i'm being punished and kept out. It's ridiculous. There needs to be more support and understanding. And that's something i definitely do not receive much of. It's saddening. It's causing me anxiety, depression, and resentment towards my own children because i don't get a break. Other say, oh Let your husband watch the kids while you go out. Well here's the thing; he works 6 days a week and only gets one day off a week. That's the only time i get to spend with him, why would i want to go out then? Why can't anybody help?! Yes i breast feed my 14 1/2 month old daughter! No i don't CIO! Yes, i actually interact and play with my children and help them grow! Yes i partially co-sleep (she starts off in her crib and when she wakes for her night feeding she comes to bed with me)! Yes i carry my daughter when she wants it! I do babywear more than Stroller! o0o0o i guess that means i'm a crazy ass hippie!!

All of these are basically the reasoning behind be not being able to do anything. I can't go to school, i can't work, i can't go out. All because of people inabilities to wake up and help me out. I will not change the way that i parent. I do not want my children to be raised by a babysitter (both figuratively speaking and actually speaking......my SIL(husbands side) is basically the babysitter to her own daughter)......i want my children to have the best that they can, and i give them all that i can. All that i ask in return is for a little help. But i really don't see that coming anytime soon. I even have the people that used to be supportive of my parenting techniques suddenly changing sides because my daughter is no longer an infant! Ridiculous!Absurd! I know usually i would say 'stay away from people like that.' but how am i supposed to stay away from family? I've thought about it. But it'll just backfire on me like everything else usually does.

Well i have my surgery in less than 48 hrs.....I wonder if my daughter will end up self weaning during this time, part of me wouldn't mind, but a part of me would be really sad. Lame, i know.I know my husband will be able to take care of the kids while i'm having the surgery and while i am hospitalized. I just hope somebody will be willing to help me out later in the week while he has to work, and not because their husband chewed them out! Which, i highly doubt will happen. Well that's life i guess. I'll perservere, i always do. Science forbid i ask for help, right?

America and their idiocricy towards the governments propsal on Education....

is mind blowing!!!

Why is it that the majority of America is AGAINST Longer School Days and Years? It makes no sense to me. As a child i LOVED all the vacations that i used to get. Thanksgiving Week. The 2 Weeks for Christmas. The Week for Easter/Spring Break. And all the other random days in between. But as a child i just saw it as FUN TIME that i didn't get while i was in school. As an Adult i feel that it is a necessity for our children and our society to put more into our Schools. What is wrong with wanting to lengthen the amount of time our children spend in school?

I hear this debate all the time, " Children NEED their down time, they NEED all those vacation dates". But Why? What real good comes from it? 

I honestly don't understand why there are parents in this country that are so against the lengthening of the school day as well as the school year. What bad could really come of it? I have noticed that other Industrialized countries have their children either in school longer throughout the day or they go to school more days out of the year. And these kids grow up perfectly fine. They have their 'fun time' or 'down time' as some parents like to put it. But they are also learning so much more, and earlier too, than their American counterparts. And what's wrong with that?

The reason that the American school calender runs from September through May (pushing into August or June a couple weeks in some districts/states) was because of WHAT America did to survive back in the late 19th century and early 20th century. Children no longer 'work' the farms or anything like that during the Summer. That was the sole reason as to why the school year was only between September and May. So why shouldn't the school year be extended now that children agriculture is an economic and society NEED? 

What is so detrimental to the child if they were to be in school longer? That is the main response i have to people whom are against longer school days and/or years. Seriously, what?

 The only somewhat decent reasoning i have heard of regarding WHY the school year shouldn't be any longer nor the school day, is MONEY. Of course it has to do with money. Politicians and School Board members alike do agree that there would be much more spending in Education if the Year and Day was lengthened. But honestly, shouldn't there be more money spent in schools anyways? I think that if our government; be it local,district,state or federal; would learn how to budget properly and not waste it there would be more than enough money to spend on schools. Honestly; don't they understand the better our children are Educated, the better this Nation will run? Other countries seem to understand that.

The average Japanese school kid goes to school at about 830 am and doesn't complete classes until roughly 6pm. That goes for China as well. They also go to school on Saturdays also, but they are not full days like they are Monday through Friday. Germany goes to school for about 240 days out of the year, and Singapore goes for 280 days, and roughly they go at least 8 hrs a day, their lunch break is much longer than the American lunch break though. Yes that is right they really do attend school that many days a year. Now America, a record 180 days a year. Seriously; there is that much of a gap between America and our Foreign counterparts regarding education. It saddens me, that we don't value the education of our children like we should.

Yet, American's still wonder why there are always all of these Foreign Exchange Students 'Taking our Childrens' Spots" at universities. Maybe it's because they work their ASSES off far more than we do when it comes to Education. I'm not saying that American's don't work. Or that American's don't study. But Maybe people should think twice before they get pissed off about their child not getting into a good school, or any school at all because of others 'Beating them out'.  That's life. Maybe if we actually did something about it, and fixed our shit hole of an education system this wouldn't happen so much.

That's another thing, i am understanding why more and more parents are deciding to Home School their children. You choose how long or how short your child is spending on their daily and weekly curriculum. You choose how they learn it, instead of some accepted method that doesn't always work with every child. As a mother of 2, with a toddler and a preschooler i am really on the fence if i want to enroll my children in the Public; government ran, school system. I don't want to home school them exactly because i want them to have the school yard experiences that i had. But i'm afraid that's the best place for them now. Especially with the NCLBA still in place.

That's something that sickens me with America. The NCLBA (No Child Left Behind Act). It's there solely to just keep pushing kids through grades 1-12.....and by pushing i mean herding. Seriously. That has got to be the worst piece of Legislature to ever get past. What good comes out of it? Nothing. Children get herded through school like cattle, regardless if they're ready or not (be it Mentally or Emotionally). Just because they want to push children through, so that there's room or whatever for the next set. Where's the learning in that? Tell me, Please.

I know of several people, personally that have been affected by the NCLBA. And it's ridiculous. These people should have NEVER graduated High School. And it hasn't really done them any good. When they got into College it hindered them greatly. Because they were so used to just being herded up into the next level of schooling regardless of if they truly understood that year or not. 

My outlook on this is that the NCLBA should be abolished. The school year and school day should definitely be longer. Teachers and Schools need to be held more accountable. And Lastly our children need to truly LEARN.

Our Children are our future. And Hindering them from the beginning because of our own close-mindedness is absurd.

 These are some of the links that i used to research what i blogged about. Because;No, i am not a dumbass i do actually care about what i write about.

Time for School? : Educations Next Stop        

 Extended School Day and Year

A Ridiculous Double Standard

has been put forth in my family this past year, or so I have noticed; oh, and the Hubby too. When i had our Son back in 2006 and our Daughter last January my family distinctively told us they would not become nannies watching the children just so we can go play. Which is something i whole heartedly agree with. School and Work would be practically the only time they would babysit, because we were/are young parents they didn't want us out 'partying' (even though that wasn't/isn't really us anyways) while they took care of our child. However, my sister had gotten pregnant with her son last year and had him this past October; tell me why my SIL willing goes behind my brothers back to watch the baby? What happened to the rule?! She has no job, she isn't going to school anymore, those were the ground rues for child care. It's a complete double standard and it infuriates me!!! Oh yeah, when i got prego (both times!!) my hubby and i were both working full time, and when i was prego with our son we were both Full Time college students as well. We don't ask for much, just the occasional evening that they could watch the kids for a couple hours. Have they EVER done it? No! Meanwhile little sister gets o do whatever. Why is there such a double standard with this? I am so mad about this, and nobody ever seems to understand why! The excuse i get from my SIL is because my kids cry too much. Well sorry my children let me know when they're uncomfortable. Sorry i Breastfed. Sorry i co-sleep. Oh, wait! You're mad because my children can tell the difference between Mommy and Daddy taking care of them and (to them) some random person. Why should i be penalized because my children aren't treated like a sack of potatoes?! Another thing that seem to penalize my immediate family is the fact that we don't live down the block, or in the same house like the rest of them. But excuse me for not wanting to live in the exact city i grew up in, and for the record 15 minutes away hardly justifies as too far to visit!!! I know family members that live further away that are actually visited more than me and my little family! Sorry for venting, but i just think that this is ludacris that they believe it's all good to treat me this way. With my shitty ass health you would think that my own family would be willing, wanting to help me out with a break here and there. And i really do mean here and there, i'm not talking about every weekend or anything like that. Maybe once a month or something like that. Is that so hard? I partly feel as if i'm being treated this way and basically ostracized from my friends, or at least being able to go out baby free with them because of this. Has this happened to anybody else? We don't know many other people that are willing to watch our children, nor do we know who'd we would trust. Which i'm sure is something that all parents go through. Isn't family always supposed to be there? My friends little sister volunteered to watch the kids for us, the down side is.....she's not quite 13 yet. So that's out of the question until otherwise. I just want to be able to go out with my husband for a quiet dinner, or be able to spend a few hours at a local concert with my friends and relax! People believe that being a Stay at Home Mom doesn't do anything; therefore doesn't deserve a break. Are you kidding me?! I just hate this, and it's just plain stupid. So i guess what my family is saying " Yeah, go be a detachment parent. Bottle Feed. Go play. Throw in a crib regardless. We'll take care of the baby WHEN we WANT to." Some Family, huh?

America's common misconception................

      .......*gasp* Breast Feeding............

I have come to notice how women, especially the younger generation are split.

By split i mean, they really do stand on two different sides of the fence. I have friends that EBF and friends that just regularly BF (up to the one year mark). But then.....there are the ones that refuse, and i mean down right refuse to even consider Breast Feeding. All because of one little thing........

The stupid Misconception that America has invented that the Breast is a Sexual Object. That in part has ruined or at least tweaked with the way that younger women perceive Breast Feeding. It is a really sad truth. I have had women that i know personally asked why, they simply say that they cannot imagine ; and i quote 'sitting around with a baby sucking on their Tit.' Seriously, that's the reason i have been given.

I just don't understand why there is such a large sexual 'stint' on the human breast. Hello, first and foremost it exsists to feed and nourish our young! We are the only mammals on the planet that feed our young other than breast milk when it is not deemed necessary. And yes there are times that it is necessary to Formula Feed. It's just that people always say that when they are asked why the formula feed. When in actuality; it's only a small percentage that HAS to formula feed. Sick mother, mother seriously can't lactate (only 2% of women i'm talking about here) or the Foster care system, although i feel there could be a way for milk banks to work like blood banks to help the babies in need.

It's the stupid ass stigma that the entertainment industry and PRUDE people have implanted in society to make the human breast this big bad sexual object. When, in fact it is not. It utterly astounds me.  I mean really, once people get over themselves and other human beings body parts it's not a big deal at all. Hello, women are just feeding their children the way that they were intended.

I feel as if our society has failed us.

                                                                       These are the

Breastfeeding Rates Around the World

Country	% of mothers who start	% who continue 6 months or longer
Sweden	98	53
Norway	98	50
Poland	93	10
Canada	80	24
Netherlands	68	25
Britain	63	21
United States	57	20
Sources: Baby Milk Action, Cambridge, England; Center for Breastfeeding Information, Schaumburg, IL

  

Isn't that just remarkable? I don't understand why all these other countries have such hire statistics and us here in the US fall s short. I think partially it has to do with how much our society backs up our decision to BF. For example in countries like New Zealand, Norway and Australia have breast feeding rooms in stores, lots of activism and they don't pass out formula like candy in doctors offices like here in America. Their country does not under mind the decision to Breast Feed and i feel that is a big reason as to why they have such high rates.

All that i ask of Americans is to really weigh in on the decisions you make regarding your children. Especially the decision on how to nourish your children. Because Breast Feeding is so much more than nourishment.

Venting about FF vs BF

           I have nothing wrong with mothers that formula feed because they have to. I can't stand mothers that formula feed because it is convenient for them. For example; my SIL had her daughter at the exact hospital i had mine, but a year earlier. She was a young mom, and still is. She REFUSED to hear ANYTHING about BF, she had nothing medically holding her back. She decided to give her daughter formula so that she could go out and party, which she does almost daily. And what i have noticed in comparison of my daughters health and my nieces is greatly different. My daughter has NEVER been truly sick. Runny nose and coughs here and there but no need to be medicated. My niece on the other hand has had infection after infection, constantly on and off antibiotics. And the ONLY difference between our daughters is how they are/were fed. I've have seen first hand that FF babies get sicker more often, tend to weigh more (over weight) and be at risk of loads of other things. I just don't understand why a mother would chose something like that, when it is NOT A LAST RESORT?......for my SIL it's pure laziness. It might not be for everybody but that's what it is for her. She is a babysitter to her own daughter. Her daughter doesn't even call her mom because of how little she actually mothers the child. I mean for crying out loud this little girl has called ME MOM! Why? Because i actually act like a mother. That

    I get crap all the time for being a BF Mother, especially for being an EBF Mother. I hate how FF Mothers think that THEY are the ones that always get crap. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You wouldn't believe the plethora of crap i get (okay, the other EBF moms would believe me i bet) for being an EBF Mom. Most recently was from the HOSPITAL, the hospital!! Basically telling me that there are no benefits or reason for me to be BF my 14 month old daughter past a year. Always getting on my case for NOT introducing Cows Milk to my daughter. Like MY MILK is going to suddenly do something detrimental to her since she is no longer a 'baby'?......come the hell on!! Here is a great website that breaks it all down about the Advantages of BF and EBF and then the Disadvantages of FF. I found another website that states Formula should be used as a LAST RESORT ONLY. I know that there are instances when a Mother can't feed her child as Science intended,and that is why formula is there. Medications and illnesses to the Mother like HIV/AIDS are a couple instances where the WHO feels using you own Breast milk is detrimental to the babies health. Remember, roughly only %2 of women CAN'T BF.

      I don't understand WHY  people give  their children FOURTH BEST at feedings. It completely boggles me. I hear again and again....." I couldn't BF, don't be little me!"....but is that really the case? And the classic "Food is food, there's nothing different to the baby if i FF vs BF." Are you serious? Your choice is your choice......i don't necessarily want to be one of those psychotic "Lactivist" but facts are facts. Why would you spend so much time, money and energy to purchase; make formula and clean bottles when the PERFECT FOOD is readily available with nothing for you to do, except lift up your shirt ;)!? My first child i BF for 7 mons, but had to stop because i was going back to work after graduation and couldn't afford a medela pump to pump my milk. But at least i tried and kept at it for 7 whole months. This time around i am EBF my 14 month old daughter, happily. Yes she eats table food; constantly, but i still BF her when she wants it. Yes she is in the bottom of the Stupid US Weight/Height Charts; 16 lbs 10.3 oz (7.549 kg) and 27in (68.58 cm). But she is perfectly healthy, who cares that she isn't 24 lbs (10.886217 kg) or 32in (81.28 cm), or whatever the AMERICAN FORMULA FEED Charts claim that she SHOULD be. According to the WHO MY daughter is perfectly fine in Weight AND Height. Tell me why the American Association of Pediatrics and the CDC says otherwise? According to them my child is SEVERELY UNDERWEIGHT and SHORT, in the bottom 2% for Height and Weight. Why is this? Because all the charts are based on FF babies......

     What does that do to BF and EBF families you ask? It makes them feel as if they are failing they're children because the doctors in whom we trust under mind us by saying WE ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH, LOOK! It's utterly ridiculous. So the next time that a FF mom tries to say that they are always under attack from BF moms, what about all the BF moms that are under far more attack from FF moms; doctors and other random people who think they know better. I know that both sides get beef about their own decisions, and YES they are just that DECISIONS. But remember this, decisions DO have CONSEQUENCES.

Risks of Formula Feeding For Infants and Children:

The effects of formula feeding on infants and children continue to be studied, and several significant risks have been identified. There is an increased risk of:

• Mortality – this applies in Western countries as well as developing countries. For example, according to Lucas and Cole (1990), if all the preterm babies in British neonatal units were fed breast milk rather than formula, 100 deaths a year from necrotising enterocolotis would be prevented.
• Asthma and allergy
• Acute respiratory disease
• Childhood cancers
• Nutrient deficiencies: e.g., fatty acids, essential for brain development, and amino acids, essential for central nervous system development, as well as calcium and iron, are not in the correct proportions and/or as easily absorbed from formula as breastmilk.
• Infection from contaminated formula
• Diabetes
• Chronic diseases
• Cardiovascular disease
• Gastrointestinal infections
• Otitis media – inflammation of the middle ear
• Urinary infections
• Sudden infant death syndrome
• Necrotising enterocolotis – an infection or inflammation that causes destruction of the bowel or part of the bowel.

as well as

• Reduced cognitive development

Disadvantages of Formula Feeding For the Mother:
If a mother feeds her baby formula rather than breastfeeding, this has an effect on her health too. There is an increased risk of:

• Breast cancer – the risk of breast cancer is decreased by 4 % for each year of breastfeeding, according to D Hollander in Breast cancer Risk is Reduced By 4 % for Each Year of Breastfeeding [International Family Planning Perspectives, Vol. 28, 2002].
• Being overweight
• Ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer
• Osteoporosis
• Reduced natural child spacing, putting more pressure on the woman’s body and causing general stress, particularly in developing countries where resources are scarce
• Rheumatoid arthritis
• Stress and anxiety
• Diabetes

Read more at Suite101: The Risks and Disadvantages of Formula Feeding: Facts About Breastmilk Substitutes Used in Bottle-Feeding Infants http://infant-toddler-health.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_risks_and_disadvantages_of_formula_feeding#ixzz0i05jsO1q

I just want to put all of that out there, so that Families are informed with the proper details about what FF and BF does. It is your choice. Nobody else's; just please make an informed decision for your children.

Arrrrgh, WTH?!

        I initially posted this the other day (3/9/10) on my Family Blog and decided to add it to this blog as well.

       In 2 weeks i have my Cardiac Catheter i've been trying to get everything with the kids and Donald situated in advance. Anywho, i called the nurse this morning asking if Isabella would be able to stay with me after post-op because of us still nursing and they said no. They tried to tell me to just pump and bf her that way. I tried to explain that i can't pump; and i never have been able to, and they were just basically too bad. That Donald will have to take care of her bc i will not be allowed, Plain as that. WHAT THE HELL!? I don't even know what to do right now. I've talked to LLLinc and they're told me hwo i need to talk to ect, and even the nurse at the hospital said to contact LLLinc and WIC. But really, what are they going to be able to do? This is ridiculous. I know that i'm being treated unfairly and mainly because she's not a teeny tiny infant and she is now technically a toddler they don't want to be bothered by it. But how difficult would it be for them to help me out?

          I go to WIC in a couple days to attempt to pump again for the up-teenth-billionth time! They said theyre going to hook me up with one that i can take home and see if i can pump enough for 2 day feedings and about 4 night feedings. Hopefully this will work. I've never used the Medela Brand pump before and it's supposed to be the best. I do hope i can get some out, at least that way Bella can just drink from the cup if she really wanted milk. I know it's not me, but it's all i can do. :(.....

         This really irks me though. I wonder if this one day is going to stop Isabella from EBF....part of me wouldn't mind that; but another part of me doesn't want that to happen yet. I know i need to worry more about my health and not what she wants. But i don't want to just deny her of me. It just seems wrong to me now. I have noticed more so with Isabella than with Skylair i have became an AP. And it doesn't bother me. It seems to bother other people at times; but eh, what does that matter, right? As long as me and my family are content with our AP who care what others have to say.

        I just don't understand why the hospital is so gung-ho about denying my request. It just seems wrong. I honestly don't think it has anything to do with a medicinal issue. It's all about Liability. And that is just plain sad.

        I hope to science (yes, i'm atheist. so what.) that i can actually get enough milk pumped out this week with the help from WIC. Bc Izzy needs her mommy milk. I've never ever had any luck with pumping before; it's been a total nightmare!!!! Maybe it has to do with my technique. Or maybe the brand of pump. I mean; how effective can an Even-flo; a formula company, breast pump really be? Not too effective in my experiences with my two children.......I've talked to Lactation Consultant after Lactation Consultant, and to no avail they say i should be able to pump. So; why can't i?.........

       Hopefully this surgery runs smoothly; i don't see why it wouldn't; and Isabella is fine and content during that time as well......because if she's not, how in the world do they expect me to make a full recovery. Anybody have any insight they'd like to enlighten me with?

So i read this and had to re-post

Fierce Mamas

An edited blog of women's stories on becoming & staying fierce. Submissions are always welcome! Fierce Mamas advocate for their children & themselves during pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding & parenting. Fierce Mamas make choices based on knowledge, intuition & informed choice- not fear.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Saving My Baby

I gave birth on a February afternoon by repeat caesarean. A pink, squalling bundle was handed to me, and I gazed lovingly into eyes that seemed to recognize me. I whispered sweet words of belonging to this girl child of mine, and comforted her outraged cries. She was the daughter I so desperately wanted.

A week after her birth, a friend dropped off a ring sling. I snuggled my 7 lb bundle into it and went about my way with a mostly content baby. Within two weeks, I was wearing her constantly. Towards afternoon, she’d begin to sob and scream inconsolably. She would arch and thrash, refuse to nurse, refuse a soother, the swing, my arms. The only thing that would quiet her screams was the sling.

Screamy baby began to lose weight. I carried her – day in, day out – in the sling. Repeated trips to the doctor revealed nothing. She was unable to nurse, screaming hysterically within moments of latch on.I was told rudely “ Do breast compressions. Breast is best.” Breast compressions made her choke and gag... and scream. I began feeding her formula. We went back to the doctor. Reflux. Milk Intolerance. Delayed gastric emptying. Her weight gain was poor, and the screaming increased in volume. Nights were long, filled with arching, thrashing baby. There was many a night that I slept with her in the sling, sitting up on the couch, unwilling to move her from her comfort zone. People told me I was spoiling her. I told them “ We’re coping. This is all that works.” I was told to let her cry it out, but I had no desire to abandon my child to a dark room to cry out her angst. My responsibility to her did not end when the sun went down. I whispered in her ear that I couldn’t stop her crying, but I could hold her while she cried.

I paced the floors with her, snuggled tummy to tummy in the sling. At six months, I begged the doctor to hospitilize her – I knew something was dreadfully wrong. The paediatrician agreed. She was poked, prodded, xrayed, and force fed. The screaming continued.

A day before discharge, my pediatrician’s partner waltzed into our room with his holier than thou attitude. He told me I wasn’t putting in the effort to feed her, to put her in another room to sleep and let her cry it out. I banned him from treating my child.

I worked part time, baby in sling. I got a mei tai, two more ring slings. I carried her everywhere. In the shower. To the doctor, to the park, on playdates. People nastily asked me how she would learn to walk if I never put her down. I ignored them. Carrying her stopped the screaming.

Just before her first birthday, she developed a high fever and cough. I took her to the ER, still wrapped in my sling. We waited 7 hours. Xrays revealed her heart was enlarged. We were admitted. I carried her nonstop for the next few days – through a terrifying whirlwind of echocardiograms and finally a diagnosis. During one particularly memorable screaming fit, a nurse turned to me in tears, and handed me my sling. My daughter quieted, safe in her sling.

She was in heart failure. A rare and very serious heart defect had been causing massive heart attacks. Fatality rates were 90% in the first year. The screaming was her suffering from crushing chest pain. In the hallway, the cardiologist turned to me and quietly told me that it was my parenting – the constant carrying – that had allowed her to survive against all odds.

My daughter never cried alone, left in a room. Had I ever practiced CIO, I would have woken to a lifeless baby. I held her through months of gut wrenching doubt, moments when I cried too. But today, I watch my daughter play and run, and laugh. I carried her through a mom’s worst nightmare... and we both survived.

Sarah Kaganovsky


Can you believe that?!  I am in absolute AWE!! I can't believe the audacity of those doctors, was it that to difficult to heed the MOTHERS advice and actually test the poor lil girl?! Thank Science this Mother knew something was wrong and did what she knew was right to help her baby girl!!! It reminds me so much of what it must have been like for my mother when they didn't believe her about me! I'm glad my mom never had to wait that long for somebody to believe her and treat me accordingly. But i could onl imagine the time she did have to wait felt like an eternity!