A Break?...A Break from What, exactly?

is what i always hear from people when i state that i want some time to myself. Can people really be that oblivious to how much work it is to be a SAHM? No i don't just sit on my ass watching Tyra all day!! (Although it is sometimes on in the background, i'm not gonna lie.) Sure i bet there are some SAHM that don't do anything, and they are more Glorified Babysitters than anything, but that doesn't represent EVERY ONE of us.

I was listening to the radio the other day and one of the DJs brought up SAHM and another DJ piped in saying that they don't do anything and that they basically spend the day eating Bon-Bons ( which i haven't seen in stores for a really long time anyways. if you know where to find them; let me know!) Anyways, they started saying that SAHM moms are just moms that are too lazy to go out and get a job. Give Me A Break!!! (this was while i listened to RAD on 98Rock) 

This stigma that SAHM don't do anything and that they're just bottom feeding off of their husbands while they sit on their ass at home, is just ridiculous. I DON'T work, in fact i CAN'T work anymore; doctors orders. So i have no choice BUT to be a SAHM. And you know what? i LOVE my kids to death, but i remember when i used to Work and go to School when my Son was younger (9wks-2yrs) and i kind of miss it. My time at School and Work was like my ME time. Something i don't get at all now that i am a SAHM with 2 children under 5. My son does go to Pre-School Monday-Friday for 4 hrs a day, but that is because he desperately wanted to; and it's been fairly good for him, he has learned SO much this past year since we enrolled him, and it's good for him to have interaction with children his own age. I was starting to feel bad for him that the only kids he played with were his younger cousin Jadelynn and his baby sister. I would love to be able to go back to work, but the doctors have said no. School? Yes. Work? No. So we do what we can.

As a SAHM i get to hear all the lovely crap about how i am just lazy and i don't want to work, and of course; this is coming from people that don't know me or my family. If i could work i would. Hell i've been trying to go back to school part-time even for the past 2 years almost be health reasons keep popping up and pro-longing my return. I am in no way;shape or form a lazy ass money grubber wife. I hate that this stupid stigma even exists. It wasn't too long ago that women COULDN'T  go to work or be anything BUT a SAHM/Housewife. What do you have to say about that, they were all lazy and un worthy back then too?

Another thing that gets me about the ideology of being a SAHM is that we're second class. That being a SAHM is ' Taking the Easy Road'. Whomever says that has obviously never been with children for long periods of time. Being a mother is very stressful, time consuming and a LOT of work. Nevertheless, it is a very rewarding experience. You get to watch your children grow and learn right in front of your eyes every single day. That's gratification you will never get at any other type of job. Knowing that you are doing everything in your power to raise your child and teach them. This is not saying that Working Mothers don't have to deal with the same things that SAHM do. In most cases they have to do the same thing a SAHM does, PLUS go out to a job every single day of the week.

Why does society need to be so condescending towards us? Make us feel like we are not truly contributing to society. Because somebody has to raise children, and if it's possible; who best but the parents? I would hate to be one of those parents that throws their child in somebody else' care all day long, IF  they don't HAVE to. I feel that society should just leave the SAHM or even SAHF alone and focus their attention on the people that really need watching. Embrace and Encourage the parents of society doing the right thing and leave them alone if it's something you don't agree with. If it's not detrimental, what's the point?

All i am saying is that all this negative talk towards Moms should stop. I understand the negative talk if their is justification behind it, i.e.; Abuse or Neglect, but shouldn't we be empowering women to do the best for their families and not what society deems appropriate at this given time. Stuff like this really makes me dislike being an American. What is wrong with being a SAHM/F and an Attachment Parent? Nothing, if it's what works. Then it is what works. We are NOT lazy, greedy or whatever rude statement you want to make about us! In fact, being a SAHM/F can cause Burnout and even Depression. All that we ask for is to stop the Negativity and Embrace what we've embraced. Being the best we can for our children and doing the best that we can for them. That's all any True Mother wants for her child.

Sometimes....

i wish i was actually able to go out. I hate this shit. I don't get to fucking do anything. And what infuriates me even more are the Parents that DO get to go out. It's bull. I never get to see anybody. I never get to hang out at 'parties' or shows. Nothing. Science Forbid i bring Izzy with me!!! I Love my friends, but honestly i don't think that they understand. Well they understand some things, but what i don't like is constantly talking to me about a party or get together and then turning around and asking me to find a babysitter for Izzy. Knowing full well that there is NOBODY to watch her. Why hurt me like that? Common People, you know that i don't have a babysitter for her, so if you don't want us to come then don't mention it to us at the beginning. It really bugs me. I was really looking forward to getting out and seeing people, alas i'm stuck at home because "They'd prefer it to be child free". I understand that my Childless friends would want to have their get togethers' child free, but don't invite me if that's the way you want your party to be. You know i can't do anything about it, well other than making Donald stay home from work to babysit so that i could go out. I LOVE my BFF, but this has irritated me beyond belief. She has every right to say who can and can't come to her soire, but just don't invite the people that it will effect. I hate not having childcare. I hate not being able to see people. Or Hang out. Or anything.

I know this is selfish sounding, but sometimes i think back to would i have been happier just Bottle Feeding my children and being able to be a care free 'mom'? Eh, probably not. I'd feel horrible knowing that i was giving my child inferior 'food' that costs so much money, which if i did bottle feed i probably wouldn't be able to afford going out.LOL. That would be selfish .It makes me mad, Nobody will watch my daughter because i Nurse her and she's uncomfortable around people she isn't used to. NEWS FLASH!!! She isn't uncomfortable around people because i nurse her, she's uncomfortable because she doesn't know who the fuck you are! Isn't that a good thing? I'm ecstatic that my children wont go to 'Just Anyone'. Do you know how freaked out and paranoid that'd make me?! But what i hate is that during the first year of life, THE MOST CRUCIAL, nobody in my family so much as volunteered to help me out and babysit or at least come around more often so that the kids are used to them and willing to stay with them while Donald and I are not. I feel like i'm being punished for making the best choices for my family.

My SIL (husbands side) and my Sis are able to go out and do whatever they want because the Bottle Feed, oh! and because they don't know how to get a job or anything so they live off of mom. So of course the child would be used to other people, right? ARRGH! I hate feeling like this. I'm really afraid that this nursing thing and lack of support from my family is going to drive me nuts. i LOVE Nursing my daughter, i would just like it if somebody; my family perhaps, would help me out and give me a break now and then! My health isn't the best and it doesn't seem like anybody really cares. Well at least not until they get in trouble of their lack of caring and big mouth! (a few wks back my SIL (brothers wife) gave me attitude about my daughter crying at a birthday party because my Bro was holding her, mind you she doesn't see them that often so what do they expect. And NO they don't live far away; maybe 15 minutes. Anyways he chewed her out and NOW she wants to try and help.Fuck that. Hell No.)

Anyways back on topic, i just feel that because i chose to be a real parent and do what i'm supposed to; Bf/AP, i'm being punished and kept out. It's ridiculous. There needs to be more support and understanding. And that's something i definitely do not receive much of. It's saddening. It's causing me anxiety, depression, and resentment towards my own children because i don't get a break. Other say, oh Let your husband watch the kids while you go out. Well here's the thing; he works 6 days a week and only gets one day off a week. That's the only time i get to spend with him, why would i want to go out then? Why can't anybody help?! Yes i breast feed my 14 1/2 month old daughter! No i don't CIO! Yes, i actually interact and play with my children and help them grow! Yes i partially co-sleep (she starts off in her crib and when she wakes for her night feeding she comes to bed with me)! Yes i carry my daughter when she wants it! I do babywear more than Stroller! o0o0o i guess that means i'm a crazy ass hippie!!

All of these are basically the reasoning behind be not being able to do anything. I can't go to school, i can't work, i can't go out. All because of people inabilities to wake up and help me out. I will not change the way that i parent. I do not want my children to be raised by a babysitter (both figuratively speaking and actually speaking......my SIL(husbands side) is basically the babysitter to her own daughter)......i want my children to have the best that they can, and i give them all that i can. All that i ask in return is for a little help. But i really don't see that coming anytime soon. I even have the people that used to be supportive of my parenting techniques suddenly changing sides because my daughter is no longer an infant! Ridiculous!Absurd! I know usually i would say 'stay away from people like that.' but how am i supposed to stay away from family? I've thought about it. But it'll just backfire on me like everything else usually does.

Well i have my surgery in less than 48 hrs.....I wonder if my daughter will end up self weaning during this time, part of me wouldn't mind, but a part of me would be really sad. Lame, i know.I know my husband will be able to take care of the kids while i'm having the surgery and while i am hospitalized. I just hope somebody will be willing to help me out later in the week while he has to work, and not because their husband chewed them out! Which, i highly doubt will happen. Well that's life i guess. I'll perservere, i always do. Science forbid i ask for help, right?

A Ridiculous Double Standard

has been put forth in my family this past year, or so I have noticed; oh, and the Hubby too. When i had our Son back in 2006 and our Daughter last January my family distinctively told us they would not become nannies watching the children just so we can go play. Which is something i whole heartedly agree with. School and Work would be practically the only time they would babysit, because we were/are young parents they didn't want us out 'partying' (even though that wasn't/isn't really us anyways) while they took care of our child. However, my sister had gotten pregnant with her son last year and had him this past October; tell me why my SIL willing goes behind my brothers back to watch the baby? What happened to the rule?! She has no job, she isn't going to school anymore, those were the ground rues for child care. It's a complete double standard and it infuriates me!!! Oh yeah, when i got prego (both times!!) my hubby and i were both working full time, and when i was prego with our son we were both Full Time college students as well. We don't ask for much, just the occasional evening that they could watch the kids for a couple hours. Have they EVER done it? No! Meanwhile little sister gets o do whatever. Why is there such a double standard with this? I am so mad about this, and nobody ever seems to understand why! The excuse i get from my SIL is because my kids cry too much. Well sorry my children let me know when they're uncomfortable. Sorry i Breastfed. Sorry i co-sleep. Oh, wait! You're mad because my children can tell the difference between Mommy and Daddy taking care of them and (to them) some random person. Why should i be penalized because my children aren't treated like a sack of potatoes?! Another thing that seem to penalize my immediate family is the fact that we don't live down the block, or in the same house like the rest of them. But excuse me for not wanting to live in the exact city i grew up in, and for the record 15 minutes away hardly justifies as too far to visit!!! I know family members that live further away that are actually visited more than me and my little family! Sorry for venting, but i just think that this is ludacris that they believe it's all good to treat me this way. With my shitty ass health you would think that my own family would be willing, wanting to help me out with a break here and there. And i really do mean here and there, i'm not talking about every weekend or anything like that. Maybe once a month or something like that. Is that so hard? I partly feel as if i'm being treated this way and basically ostracized from my friends, or at least being able to go out baby free with them because of this. Has this happened to anybody else? We don't know many other people that are willing to watch our children, nor do we know who'd we would trust. Which i'm sure is something that all parents go through. Isn't family always supposed to be there? My friends little sister volunteered to watch the kids for us, the down side is.....she's not quite 13 yet. So that's out of the question until otherwise. I just want to be able to go out with my husband for a quiet dinner, or be able to spend a few hours at a local concert with my friends and relax! People believe that being a Stay at Home Mom doesn't do anything; therefore doesn't deserve a break. Are you kidding me?! I just hate this, and it's just plain stupid. So i guess what my family is saying " Yeah, go be a detachment parent. Bottle Feed. Go play. Throw in a crib regardless. We'll take care of the baby WHEN we WANT to." Some Family, huh?

As Time Goes By...

I've come to realize who my real friends are and what it is that i truly need and don't need in my life. And Drama is definitely one of the things that i don't need. I love that i have been able to cut out the negative people in my life over the past few years, and just keep the close drama-free friends in my circle. It's been somewhat awkward at certain instances but rather pleasant at others. I know that it sounds like i am just rambling on, but whatever.

I have also come to realize how to properly organize my time in life and to give attention where and when needed. But i have also come to learn throughout the more recent years of Mother Hood that in order to be a good Mother and Wife i have to be secure with myself, have time to myself; because a stressed out Mommy or Wife leads a stressed out household. This past year has been a very eye-opening year, initially with Donald and the loss of his job right during the impending time before Isabellas' birth. His unemployment lasted all the way until she was 5 mons old!! It was a hectic, trying time for us as a family but still we persevered.

I Love being a Mom, i think i never realized how much of a full-time job it is until i actually became one. Right now that is all i do and sometimes i truly do want a vacation. I think it's because when Skylair was Isabellas' age i was working and everything and even when he was an infant i was going to school and just doing so much more. I felt like i had a life outside of being a mother. Now since i've had Isabella i haven't done either. I've strictly been a Stay-at-home mom (SAHM) which is nice because i just have to take care of the house hold and not a million other things, but on the other side i liked working and going to school, it gave me time with other people outside of my family.

You know, it kind of feels odd that it is now 2010 and that my Little Boy will be 4 years old in just 4 months, and that my Little Girl is already 1 Year Old. I can't believe how fast the time has flown. Sometimes i can still remember the most random things from high school or growing up as if it was yesterday. It's kind of sad. haha.

I have come to learn that i do need a break as well. I don't get that too often and i totally miss the times i had to be able to go out and see friends without always having to bring the kid/s along. With Skylair since i went back to school and work when he was young he was used to going over to grandmas house on the weekends because of the time i got out of work or class was so late and that gave me the peace and quiet down time that i truly believe EVERY MOTHER NEEDS.  Now with Isabella it has been the exact opposite, and it has even turned Skylair into a once Super Independent little boy into quiet a Separation Anxiety King. And due to his separation anxiety Donald and i haven't had a single date night since JUNE!! At least with Isabella being home with us it was easier to ring her along to diner and just have her sleep, unlike Skylair where he's so smart and curious he doesn't even let us talk to EACH OTHER half the time.

I would LOVE, and i mean absolutely LOVE to have a date night/ 18 hr period just where it's Donald and Me time. Without the kids. Is that too much to ask? I truly believe that has been part of what's fueled my somewhat depression this year. I believe that if i get out and go back to school, and maybe get some time Alone with my Husband and with friends then it will go away. I had it slightly when Skylair was an itty bitty infant, but i feel like it's stronger and deeper this time around. I don't really feel that it ties into Post-Partum Depression per-se, but it could've definitely stemmed from that.

Does ANYBODY have ANY advice for me? i have gone through the parenting site and mommy connection sites for what feels like a bajillion times and to no avail i don't know what to do. And that's mainly stemming from my childrens' Separation Anxiety Issues. I know it'll be hard for Donald and i to get a date night anytime soon because of his new job, but quiet mommy time with the kids safely at grandmas would be GREAT!