Sleep is good!

Isabella has been getting better and better with her sleep habits. I know i should've instilled them in her when she was an infant, but lo and behold i didn't; but she's catching the drift!!! I laid her down last night at 8:30 (she got a really late nap) and she didn't get up till 1:30 am, i was uber ecstatic!!!! but by that point i was kind of tired so instead of sitting there nursing her back to sleep i just fell asleep with her in Sky's twin bed. Tonight however, i'm goin to try and get her down at 7pm like usual; and see if i can get her to sleep till 1:30am again, BUT stay sitting up to nurse her and lay her back in her bed. If that happens and she stays asleep till 7-8am then WOO HOO we're in the clear!!! I don't necessarily expect her to sleep through the night. All i want is longer stretches of time :)! It was a little bit weird sleeping on Sky's bed but it's only for right now. AND they're room is almost all cleared out, which is awesome, the crib isn't against the wall at the moment bc of the extra junk in that room, but by this time next week all the junk should be gone and their room will be perfect!! Then it'll just be a matter of getting Skylair used to sleeping there too.

In other news i go to the Cardiologist on Thursday and have a meeting with her and a couple other docs and a surgeon. This appointment will asses if i need the surgery, and the plans from there. Like when, and who exactly will be performing it ect. I hope everything pans out right. Hopefully it'll be an outpatient surgery and that it'll be early morning and i'll be back home by that evening. We can't really afford Donald to take any time off work so Skylair IS going to HAVE to SPEND THE NIGHT/WEEKEND at Mah-Mahs regardless. There's no way i'll be able to physically chase after him and Isabella directly afterwards. It will be hard enough with just Isabella at home.

However, if it does happen i'm Hoping s few good things will come from it.
1) Better Health
2) SSI approval
3) Skylair getting over his Separation Anxiety
That's all i'm looking for,because it's something; not only I need; but we need as a family.

As Time Goes By...

I've come to realize who my real friends are and what it is that i truly need and don't need in my life. And Drama is definitely one of the things that i don't need. I love that i have been able to cut out the negative people in my life over the past few years, and just keep the close drama-free friends in my circle. It's been somewhat awkward at certain instances but rather pleasant at others. I know that it sounds like i am just rambling on, but whatever.

I have also come to realize how to properly organize my time in life and to give attention where and when needed. But i have also come to learn throughout the more recent years of Mother Hood that in order to be a good Mother and Wife i have to be secure with myself, have time to myself; because a stressed out Mommy or Wife leads a stressed out household. This past year has been a very eye-opening year, initially with Donald and the loss of his job right during the impending time before Isabellas' birth. His unemployment lasted all the way until she was 5 mons old!! It was a hectic, trying time for us as a family but still we persevered.

I Love being a Mom, i think i never realized how much of a full-time job it is until i actually became one. Right now that is all i do and sometimes i truly do want a vacation. I think it's because when Skylair was Isabellas' age i was working and everything and even when he was an infant i was going to school and just doing so much more. I felt like i had a life outside of being a mother. Now since i've had Isabella i haven't done either. I've strictly been a Stay-at-home mom (SAHM) which is nice because i just have to take care of the house hold and not a million other things, but on the other side i liked working and going to school, it gave me time with other people outside of my family.

You know, it kind of feels odd that it is now 2010 and that my Little Boy will be 4 years old in just 4 months, and that my Little Girl is already 1 Year Old. I can't believe how fast the time has flown. Sometimes i can still remember the most random things from high school or growing up as if it was yesterday. It's kind of sad. haha.

I have come to learn that i do need a break as well. I don't get that too often and i totally miss the times i had to be able to go out and see friends without always having to bring the kid/s along. With Skylair since i went back to school and work when he was young he was used to going over to grandmas house on the weekends because of the time i got out of work or class was so late and that gave me the peace and quiet down time that i truly believe EVERY MOTHER NEEDS.  Now with Isabella it has been the exact opposite, and it has even turned Skylair into a once Super Independent little boy into quiet a Separation Anxiety King. And due to his separation anxiety Donald and i haven't had a single date night since JUNE!! At least with Isabella being home with us it was easier to ring her along to diner and just have her sleep, unlike Skylair where he's so smart and curious he doesn't even let us talk to EACH OTHER half the time.

I would LOVE, and i mean absolutely LOVE to have a date night/ 18 hr period just where it's Donald and Me time. Without the kids. Is that too much to ask? I truly believe that has been part of what's fueled my somewhat depression this year. I believe that if i get out and go back to school, and maybe get some time Alone with my Husband and with friends then it will go away. I had it slightly when Skylair was an itty bitty infant, but i feel like it's stronger and deeper this time around. I don't really feel that it ties into Post-Partum Depression per-se, but it could've definitely stemmed from that.

Does ANYBODY have ANY advice for me? i have gone through the parenting site and mommy connection sites for what feels like a bajillion times and to no avail i don't know what to do. And that's mainly stemming from my childrens' Separation Anxiety Issues. I know it'll be hard for Donald and i to get a date night anytime soon because of his new job, but quiet mommy time with the kids safely at grandmas would be GREAT!

Hooked up to Machinery.w00t.

So i went and saw the Cardiologist this morning, and it actually went by somewhat fast, although i was there for an 830am appt and didn't get home till 1130am. Well needless to say i'm still broken. I found out why i got lightheaded and dizzy when i doubled my medication in the summe, and i only doubled it for like a week; it drastically dropped my blood pressure, like dangerously low......go figure huh?! I still haven't gotten my damn MRI taken care of because of the damn Radiology department is full of morons. Gah. So right now i;'m stuck on a 24-HR Holter Monitor. YAY! ::sarcastically:: i get to turn it back in tomorrow morning, boy am i glad she didn't order an Even Monitor, 30-DAYS would have SUCKED BIG TIME! Well i turn that back in tomorrow and then i have to go back to her office at the end of the month in 3 wks and go over the test results from this monitor reading and then also it'll be with her and a couple other specialty Cardiologist to see if i'm going to need Catheterization. I know it sounds kinda weird, and or bad. But i'm not looking at it too poorly. I am trying to keep an open mind about it. I do like however that THIS Doctor is actually keeping on top of everything and checking everything out before shipping me off to the OR like Kaiser did back in Summer of '04! Part of me wants to have something proven from the exams and have me have to go in for the surgery, at least that way it would make sense of all these issues that i have been having lately and also it would help justify why i have been attempting to apply for SSI. Because the government doesn't seem to think that there is anything wrong with me. Don't get me wrong i would love to know that everything is fine and that i don't need to go 'under the knife' or anything but justification would also be a good thing as well. So yeah, i can't wait till the end of the month so i can finally find out what the hell is going on and how to fix it. On another note though, when i went into the Heart Center to get my Holter hooked up and everything i was talking to the supervisor/manager there and she was saying that she wishes she had another qualified employee and that if my health gets better and everything is set up for me to have childcare that i should go in there to talk to her one-on-one and avoid the HR Department, and bring in all my documentation and everything to talk about possible employment, but i should definitely figure out my health first and then if wanted or need to go and see if she can do anything to help, w00t! So good and bad-ish news today.

It's Ne...Ne...New Year!!!

So i know that i don't need to exercise, nor do i need to loose any weight i would like to attempt to try and work out sometime. Just mainly to tone my muscles and everything, considering i'm like 105 lbs; give or take. Because my Tummy muscles have taken a great hit with Isabella HAHAHA!! So Ashley is going to start working out in hopes of loosing 20 lbs to get back down to her Pre-Chloe size and i think that i'm just gonna tag along on days that i can to work on myself and help her out. Because evidently if she sees me it'll give her more motivation. Go ASH!!! Another thing for the new year i think i need to do is maybe take a step back and try to re-adjust how i deal with stress, especially stress from the kids. Maybe i'll talk with my Cardio about that when i go in and see her later this week. I know that the stress isn't good for me and i've been getting A LOT of chest pain lately. However it's not necessarily Heart Associated Chest pain. I seem to think that it's probably having to do mostly with stress, partly with being broken. The pains that i get aren't pains usually associated with Heart Issues. I've been thinking, and kind of worrying if i need to see a therapist sometimes. Mainly because i feel so closed off and alone with being a SAHM and never seeing anybody or getting out. I know it's just how the 'cookie crumbles' and whatnot and that people are busy and it's not like we make a lot of money or anything. But something i would like to try and do this year is make a day once a week where i can get out of the house, prefrebly with a friend, kid free. And then try and make another time a week where Donald and I can go out kid free to a diner or just OUT in general without either child. I really do think that would help me out with my stress and semi-depressive tendancies that i have come across this year. That and when i go back to school either this summer or in the fall will probably help me out too!! I can't believe it i ONLY need like 5 classes or so to finally Graduate with my Associates of Arts Degree, w00t w00t! So hopefully by this time next year i will be finishing that up and deciding if i want to go any further or if i'll just stay at SCC and do the Photography Program. Which is probably what will happen. Because as of this July Isabella will be old enough for me to take her to EHS (early head start) and then i'll be able to get more done with her there and Skylair at Reg HS (head start preschool). Donald is still working at Celestines, and we're noticing a few people in the kitchen that have become fairly flakey and everything so we're kind of hoping that the bosses notice as well and maybe give away those guys shifts to Donald (they try to give them to him half the time anyways, but always at the last second). I think it'd be great if he was able to pick up a few more shift. It'll help us out i know that. Also everything is turned in for our CalWorks. Now it's just a matter of them filing it in the system for us to get all our benifits. They fixed it for Aug-Nov, and then we were supposed to turn some forms in for Dec-Feb and it's been over 2 weeks since we've done that and they still haven't computed it and finalized it. Up side;  we got A LOT of F/S.....Down side; they haven't given us our December nor January C/A. Which we would really love to have. Damn County systems and whatnot. Eh, it should happen this week, hopefully Monday or Tuesday, since why would they need more time than that?!  So that's the Plan.