::tear::

(also on my family blog)

...........that is how i feel. I am so stressed and overwhelmed with the kids. Other than from Donald,of course; i don't really get any real break. I can't stand it. I don't feel good, and i think all of this stress with the kids and no real break from them, is making me feel even worse. All i fucking hear all day is the kids. Do i get a break? No, Not really. Do Donald and i ever get to spend any time together? No. Not Really. Do i get to hang out with friends? No.Not at All. In fact i haven't even seen a friend, or had the chance to in months. The last date Night we had was a couple months ago when Iron Stakes first opened and all that was; was a 90 minute quick dinner 2 minutes from our house. We need more Date Nights and non-kid time to keep our sanity; or at  least mine .And to top it off, if a friend ever does want to hang out i usually can't go because i have nobody to watch the kids for me so i can get a few hours away. Just.Fucking.Great.

Lately i have been craving for a break,  it seems like each day i am feeling worse and worse. Not to mention how my energy has been decreasing....daily almost. It's pretty pathetic i might add. I'm not even 25 and sometimes i have the energy range of a 60 year old. One Word. Pathetic. I have been having a lot of SOB as well, up top of my old medication ( Lisinopril and Carvedelol/Coreg) and the inhaler i was given a couple months ago i am now on Lasix; i diuretic (water pill). Yay me?......Don't count on it. Hopefully this Pacemaker i'm getting soon will help me feel better, because lately i get so overwhelmed and just wanna cry.


I hate feeling like garbage and not getting a break. To top it off Sky has had this little attitude problem, which is really starting to annoy. I can't seem to get him to stop being so cocky for one. For two, he is still refusing to stay over at Mah-Mahs and that's not helping me out either. Isabella seems like she is starting her attitude early also. When she doesn't get her way she's throwing temper tantrums and everything, and is wanting to be held a lot more lately. It's weird though, bc when i want to or need to hold her she gets mad but when i'm doing something all she can do is say " Mommy, Po-Po! "......Gah!.......

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a SAHM. I get to be here to witness all of the milestones and teach and play with them everyday. But it's a 24-7 job, and it would be nice for some sort of a break......I hate feeling like shit. I hate always being tense. I hate never having down time......Oh, and don't even tell me that's what happens when you're a  mom. I really don't want to hear that patronizing rubbish. I know moms that are able to get out and have a break and not feel like they're on the brink of depression......I only Wish i could be one of those moms again.....