I guess i'm just weird this way....

 (if you're a believer i don't mean to offend, this is just how i see it)

Ok, so here is something that actually has made me who i am. I know that there are many that don't agree with me; but this is just the way i see it.....

Alright, so i was looking on one of the Heart Pages i belong to on FB 1in100, anyways there was a post of a little boy that will e going in for another open heart surgery tomorrow and i noticed in a lot if the comments people were saying "i'll pray"..."may god bless him and his family"...ect. This has got me thinking. I do not believe, never have. I was brought up in a Catholic house, went through Catacism, Baptism,Eucharist ect...the whole nine. But i just never believed in my heart; nor mind. That's just me. Anyways back to the purpose of this post...

If people feel that god created each and everyone of us, and he has a plan; then why; WHY would they put little babies through all of this? What have they ever done? Is it to get back at the parents? Isn't god loving? AND my main pondering question...if they feel that it was gods plan to have this child/person have this major health problem why do they pray to 'god' to fix it? To me, it makes no sense. I guess it's because i'm not a believer or something like that. I just don't understand i guess. This question has been plaguing me for a while now. I just don't understand it. If god is so miraculous why is prayer needed? I understand praying to god to vent/confess and all that but why pray to 'god' to fix something that was obviously part of his plan?

I guess i might be a tad jaded by this subject. I have heard/read of the prayers that my family had/gave while i was a baby...according to them 'God' heeded their prayers and saved me. But, as i see it it's just the way the cookie crumbles. No amount of prayer is going to make 'god' change his will....However i do believe that if a patient knows people are sending good thoughts (so to speak) their attitude nay change therefore changing the outcome of whatever their issue/problem was. I just don't understand. It must be because i just don't believe.....i believe in cold hard facts and evidence, not interpreted stories. Is it just so that you feel better?

I don't believe in god, any god; nor heaven,hell,limbo. I am not unintelligent, nor am i naive. This is just how i am, and how life thus far has made me. I love to explore theology and lots of other things, so if you'd like to you may enlighten me on this topic.

Man, i can't believe it'll be July in less than 2 weeks....

where has the time gone this year? It seems like the past couple of years and sort of just ran by.....time has just flown by like it's the blink of an eye or something. My surgery was 2 weeks ago today and i actually seems to be recovering rather fine. Although i have to wear an arm brace at night so that i don't move my arm too much or hyper-extend my arm unconsciously in my sleep or anything like that. Btw, that would be ALL BAD!!! The docs have said that i can't stretch my arm out all of the way until September. Do you know how hard that is truly going to be? Like.Oh.My.Science.HARD!! I have to catch my self throughout the day to retract my arm back down or something because i'm doing or reaching for something without thinking. I can finally lift Isabella, The first week home sucked because all she wanted was to be held; but i couldn't even fullfill that simple need of hers. The upside is that she has become really used to having just Daddy and Bella time. The downside is that if he leaves for any reason, she freaks.*sigh* Sometimes i feel like these children are going to be the death of me or something along those lines. Lately they are soo moody and temper-mental. And it's been driving me nuts. I think it also plays in with the fact that i have never been away from Bella for more than a couple of hours....i guess that will happen some day....yeah Dad....some day *wink wink*.....um....lets see what else has happened...Oh, we sold out Integra, well since Donald got let go, we are only bringing in C/A and F/S....and now it's not just filler money to pay the bills, it's ALL the money that we get. SSI is still dragging me along it's stressful, lonely trail. I still have no idea if i will be granted benefits or not. Ugh. Although when i did go to see my case worker i got to meet with a SSI case worker as well and she was going to look into my SSI case and see if there is anything she can find out that i am not. I have turned in all the required paperwork regarding my surgery and when i called to see if it had been processed yet they said they couldn't say and to go to my home office, so i went to my home office and they told me that they couldn't say and that i just had to wait for the Disability Determination Department to contact me. Well then why the hell would they make me go in circles if neither of which had any true answers?...can't you tell that im stressed. Maybe i should try and go back to work? i don't know. When i was at my first Pacer check this past Monday i was watching the pacing machine and reading the results; of course!, the PA looked up from my paperwork and noticed i was reading the pacer results and asked if i wanted an explanation to what they were doing. I told him that was not necessary, i was just in awe that my P waves were actually normal and that my Q-T complex looked awesome. OMS you should've seen his face and the NP's as well. Their jaws dropped! We started chatting and i told them all about my schooling and whatnot and the office encouraged me to re-apply for a job once i'm recovered and if i get cleared by both my Cardiologists. How kick ass is that?! I think i might....but it's something to contemplate after i hear back from SSI ect. I've been thinking if i can work, and get cleared and everything then perhaps i should try again at UCD...it's something i've wanted for years. But before that i wanna finish up my Associates.....so i guess time will only tell. what do you think?

Holy Shit....less than 4 days....

i guess it hasnt sunk in yet that my surgery really is in 4 days, roughly.I think that is because of how many
times its been pushed back and reschedualed. No i am not scared, I trust my doctor know she is always honest with me. I hate that people expect me to be scared. Or worried. Well....im not, and see no reason to be. So.....yep....its almost the day for me to join the robot clan!!! (whats life without alil humor, right?!)

Is it Nap Time Yet?

That has been my question of the day, daily for the past couple of weeks. Since my last doctors appointment, my minor Bronchitis and CHF has been plaguing me. I am always soo soo tired!! It's ridiculous! I nap whenever Isabella naps, in fact both of the kids are napping at this very moment but i decided to try and write up a short blog in silence. It seems like i can't do ANYTHING without feeling completely exhausted. And by Anything, i mean ANYTHING. I can't even do the dishes and take Sky to school without feeling like i need a nap. In fact i find myself taking a nap at least once daily. Today i only got like an hr tops, and then Isabella woke up. That really sucked. Usually she'll take like a 2 hr nap in the afternoons if she didn't take one in the morning. I'm betting it was the obnoxiously loud jackass neighbors that woke us up. Go figure huh?? To top it off, i'm having all these on again off again chest and upper abdomen pains. I really don't feel like going into the ER or anything over it, since it's not stopping me from my daily business per se. But still. It is affecting me. I go in and see the Cardiologist this coming Thursday for my Bi-Ventricular Pacemaker. I'm going to bring up to her all of the aches and pains and also the constant feeling of being Lethargic and Sore. It really sucks. I know that if i do feel really bad i could always go to the ER, hand them my Card and i would be admitted immediately because my records show CHF in the header. But i don't want to have to deal with that if it's not 100% necessary. I feel like garbage always. And this Bronchitis isn't helping in the slightest. My chest is sore from all of the coughing, i keep getting head aches and migraines from constantly coughing. The only up side to the bronchitis is that it has helped me tone my abdominal muscles. LOL. I know, very sad of me to even notice that, right? Because of my listelessness and everything i have checked my weight just out of curiosity, it's at 46 kg, or 101 lbs.....a bit lower than at my previous Cardiac appointment. I wonder what she is going to say about that? Also, i have been looking up information on Marfans Syndrome, and received a packet about it in the mail today. I was contemplating bringing it up to my Cardiologist and get some insight about it from her. I trust her whole heartingly. She has been my cardiologist since i was about 15 after all. I am really hoping that once this surgery happens i will start to feel loads better, and i hope that my SSI gets taken care of after this next surgery, I can't believe they've been stringing me on since last August. That's the Government for you i suppose......I had read about Marfans and it mentioned that nervous system issues branches from the syndrome, if that is true it might explain my Neuralgia....i have an appointment to see a neurologist a couple weeks after my pacemaker surgery, i'm going to talk to the doctor about the pervious medication i have been on for the neuralgia and see if there is more of a holistic approach we can take. Because the last medication i was on was really strong. Don't get me wrong, it did it's job and worked like a charm, But once i took it i was out for the night, unable to function if Skylair woke up at 2am, and i really don't want that for Isabella. Not to mention the fact that i am still nursing her, and Amitryptaline is a class IV drug i believe, and definitely not compatible with breast feeding. That is, it was the last time that i checked. Who knows, it may have changed since then but i highly doubt it. I am on some new medication for my heart right now, and it has alieviated some of the chest pressure i was getting from accumulating water in my pleural cavity versus my appendeges. That's my body i guess, just weird like that. I'll post an update about the impending surgery after my pre-op appointment and everything next Thursday. It's gonna be an interesting appointent, my Mom and Step dad are going to attend as well. I asked my Dad if he wanted to come also, but he felt that it wasn't necessary unless i truly wanted him there. I'm not scared, so i see no point in everybody coming to one pre-operative appointment. Is that stupid of me?

Arizona.Ugh.

So i've been watching the news this weekend, like always; and i am just appalled at the New Immigration Law that has just passed in Arizona this past week. Before all you people jump on my back, i know that America; Arizona in particular has a very VERY big immigration problem, however i do not agree with this Immigration Bill Whatsoever!! It gives the police the legal right to basically stop ANY Hispanic looking person in Arizona and demand proof of citizenship!! Seriously?! What the Fuck!? For those of you that do not know, a Social Security Card does not count as proof of Citizenship. SO basically they are racially profiling because of the 'Immigration Problem'. Two wrongs do not make a right! What the hell is Hispanic (and i say Hispanic, not Mexican because they are basically targeting brown skinned looking people that COULD BE from Central or Southern America.. I am a Hispanic American, and this severely offends me to no end. What, am i supposed to carry around my fucking Birth Certificate now in the state of Arizona, just so i have the Legal Documentation to Prove i am not here illegally?! That is ridiculous. Perhaps, since we already waste so much fucking money on border patrol; the boarder patrol should do their fucking job properly and legally and turn in the folks crossing over the Rio Grande!!! I was wanting to plan a trip to Arizona sometime in the next couple years to meet with my old Physicians and Surgeons, but as of right now i just want to avoid this racist state all together. How dare that Stupid Governor think that her piece of legislature is LEGAL and covered by the CONSTITUTION. FYI Janet Napolitano, it's not.

In the beginning.....

I was born Thursday October 17th 1985 at 2357. I was pronounced a healthy baby girl by all medical staff at Good Sammaritan Hospital right outside of Pheonix, Arizona. How very wrong they were.....

I was sent home a couple days after birth with my Mom, Dad and Big Bro. Everything seemed copacetic. That was until i was 23 days old. I was rushed to the hospital, heavily cyanotic. My Pulse and Blood Pressure was practically none existent. You could see my chest heaving up and down struggling to get air into my lungs. Now, does that sound like a perfectly healthy baby girl? I didn't think so.

 The doctors ended up placing a chest tube to regulate my breathing and to drain the fluid build up from my lungs. After that they needed to crack open my rib cage to really see what kind of distress my lil heart was truly in. They noticed that the small hole in the center of my heart that all babies are born with never closed. Not at all. They frantically had to find a way to redirect my blood flow, and seal up the gaping hole in my septum. I was diagnosed with a Ventricular Septal Defect. So instead of my heart having 4 different chambers to pump blood through, it only had 3.

On top of that i had cardiomegaly which is the abnormal enlargement of the heart. Mine happened to be where my left ventrical is. So they finished repairing the septal wall which would now be dividing my ventricle in to its regular left and right sides. As they completed that portion on the surgery they realized that my Aorta didn't look quite right as well. But that was just another surgery, because they couldn't keep the heart muscle flat lined for too long, fearing mental retardnation or death.

I was in and out of Phoenix Children's Hospital many times during the first two years of life....

Green Curry with Protein of Choice and Carb Of Choice

is oh to yummy!! But it is a tad on the spicy side. Now keep in mind this is a Thai style Curry. Not Japanese; Chinese or Indian. They all have their own unique flavor, and i personally after trying all 4 prefer Thai Curry Over All.

 Thai Style Green Curry with *Shrimp* and White Steamed Rice

There are several ways you can make Thai Green Curry ( or any type, really). You can either go online to a Thai Foods Website and they can give you the step by step directions for making it at home, by scratch. My self on the other hand doesn't have that much time to put dinner together so i just go to the Asian Market Place ( Anyone really) and buy a specific brand "Mae Ploy". (FYI the "Mae Ploy" brand as a lot of other curry paste brands do contain fish sauce, so if you are vegan or strictly vegetarian you will want to read the ingredients or just cook from scratch.The reason i use this brand is because i know it is a brand that is used in a lot of the Thai Restraunts around my home, and i like their curries.LOL. Anywho, if you're only cooking for 2, because my kids wont eat Curry due to the spice level; you really don't need too much of the paste.

What you need:
Curry Paste
Coconut Milk
Veggies
Protein
Rice OR Noodles

The recipe calls for this:

Vegetables:
Pick Vegetables of your choosing- i honestly prefer white onions and bell peppers (red or green)
You will need one whole Bell Pepper; you would want to cut it how you like. Personally i cut them into thin strips, maybe about 1/4-1/2 in think.
One half Onion- I cut my onion in half first, then slice it, then cut the slices in half so that they're not uber big pieces of onion to bite into.
(i've eaten this curry with with carrots, zuccini and mushrooms tossed in as well. add what you like!)


Protein:
After cutting up the desired Vegetables you will want to chose a protein.
I've honestly thought that White Meat (i.e. Chicken or Pork) or Tofu goes best with the flavor of Green Curry or Seafood. For some reason Beef just seems too thick and doesn't soak up a lot of the curry flavor.

It is best to make the pieces of protein bite size. Now what may be bite size to one, may not be to another; therefore i've decided not to tell you how to cut up the protein. With the exception of Seafood, just leave it as is; unless it's fish then cut to your desire.

There are two ways to cook the protein. You can either boil a pan of water and steam the protein first, or you can just cook it in the pan with the curry it's self. Restraunts cook the protein first in water and then add it to the pan of curry with choice of veggies :D. That's the way i like to do it, but it does mean you'll have an extra pan to clean after wards. Just keep that in mind.

The Curry:
Toss 50g of curry paste with  200g of Coconut Milk. Then add another Cup of Coconut Milk to the mix and bring to a boil. You will then want to add your protein of choice to the pan now, let the sauce soak into your protein for a bit (it depends on if you're placing raw or already steamed protein into the pan at this point). You will then want to add your Vegetables, just too them into the pan and stir everything up. Put the heat on Medium at this point and just let the curry simmer. After a couple minutes, taste. If it is too spicy; add a little bit more Coconut Milk, if it is not spicy enough you can either add more Curry Paste or you can add Chili Flakes. I prefer to add Chili Flakes to my recipe if it is not at the desired spice level. And that's It!


Rice:
This portion works best if you have a rice steamer, like i do. Just start the rice right before you start the curry process and it should be done by the time you're finished with the main dish! Place on side of dish, and add curry!

Noodles:
Take desired noodles, i have found that Vermicilli Rice noodles Work best, and just boil them how you would if you were to make Spaghetti. When noodles are done,  place them in a Medium to Large size bowl, so that there is no mess, and just pour the curry over it!

FYI!!!
May i remind you, this is a somewhat spicy dish....so if you can't stand spicy things like Pepperoni or BBQ sauce you would not want to try this. Curry is made using Chili's so there is no real way to make it Mild.

Let me know how it turns out, or what you guys think. This is one of my favorite meals, and has been since i met my Husband 6 1/2 years ago.

Leave me a comment or msg me on fb (whichever) if you have an idea on a recipe or anything like that.